Highlands Ranch High School
The Driving Permit
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Alferd Packer's Clone?
At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank Heavens!" he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but Good Heavens, man, your plane only went down yesterday!"
Stop for Directions
A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out and look at it. We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road. We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road. Even the policemen and fire personnel were stumped.
We went to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally one young man came to our aid. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there. I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire department. "Neither," he replied. "I deliver pizzas."
Typical Day in Driver's Ed
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"
Enjoy the site. Happy surfing.
Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp.
Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime?
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care.
"According to a new study, college tuition for a baby born today will cost $36,000 a year. That's crazy, isn't it? Why would anyone send a baby to college?"
- Jay Leno
Guru: One who knows more jargon than you.
"President Bush says our schools need to do a better job of teaching mathematics, and I agree with him 150 percent."
- Dave Barry
Teacher: Why are you late to class?
Student: Because of a road sign, I have to pass on the way!
Teacher: And what has the sign got to do with it?
Student: It says, "School ahead, go slow..."
"According to 'Newsweek,' the big trend now among teenagers now is coed slumber parties. Slumber parties where they invite both sexes and the parents allow it. Actually, when I was in high school, I remember boys and girls slept together all the time. We called it algebra class."
- Jay Leno
Some people are wise, and some, otherwise.
Highlands Ranch High School 9375 South Cresthill Lane Highlands Ranch, Colorado 80126 303-471-7000